People really love to give advice, regardless of whether or not it’s requested.
And we do this A LOT.
I’m single, and people often like to offer me advice on how I should find a man. I usually let people talk when they start because it can be rather entertaining—because obviously if I’m single, I’ve NEVER thought of any of these things. Allow me to elaborate with a handful of fun little examples:
Just find someone at church. This is always a go-to for people. I go to church, so I must be inclined to fall in love with some hunk who spends his Sunday mornings in the same building I do. Friends, it’s sweet you want me to meet a nice Christian man, but that might not be the place I find him. Plus, I do not go to church on Sunday mornings in search of a man. It’s not my focus, and I don’t think it should be. If that’s my reason for going to church, it would be time to re-prioritize.
What about someone in your running community? I love my friends who are runners, but I’m never dating a runner. There are some couples out there who met through running or who both compete, but that’s not for me. I want someone who has different interests than I do. I’m with me all day every day—I don’t want someone just like me. I want someone who doesn’t necessarily understand the oddities that come with being a runner but still tries to and supports me, anyway. And I want to be able to support him in other things, like some recreational sports league that he acts like will be covered by SportsCenter every night.
Have you tried online dating? No, thank you. I know this has been successful for a lot of people, but I also know a few people who have had to endure some nights and conversations with some strange birds. I’m not willing to risk my first date on someone who may or may not be anything like what his computer profile leads me to believe.
If you like a guy, just ask him out. When people say this to me, my initial response is always, “Do you even know me?” I can face my fears and be brave in a lot of aspects of life, but I truly struggle with this one. And THE STRUGGLE IS REAL. A few years ago, I made what I considered to be a valiant effort to ask a guy to go with me to a football game. He told me he had to do chores around his house. On a Friday night. I don’t know many single men who live alone and stay home on Friday nights doing chores that could likely be done on Saturday or Sunday. Maybe he was having the queen over for tea that weekend. Needless to say, I’m hesitant to receive another such response.
I understand that people are just trying to be helpful, but at the same time, I think it’s better to let me keep my head in the clouds. I still have that belief that somehow, someway, my life is going to turn out like all of those romantic comedies I love so much. And if it doesn’t, that’s alright, too. But I am not going to go seeking and actively trying to be calculative about securing a date for my brother’s upcoming wedding.
I know I’m probably not going to lose my voice to a sea urchin and make someone fall for me through my silence. I don’t plan on going to any royal balls anytime soon, so I likely won’t lose a slipper and have the prince search the entire kingdom for me. I’m not writing a column about how to get rid of a guy while he is secretly trying to make me fall for him. I don’t have intentions to travel to Alaska pretending to be engaged to someone, resulting in the two of us realizing we actually really love each other.
But a girl can dream.
I’m OK with the fact that I still believe in fairy tales. I’ve seen them happen to so many people around me, and I hope you never stop believing in them. They may not always happen the way we think they will or should, but life has a way of being magical and special on its own—because we have an Author writing our stories who knows what He’s doing a lot more than we do.
And that’s something that gives me hope that whatever happens will be better than anything any of us has dreamed of—ever.