Dating can sometimes be like trying to pick out the right avocado—you’re trying to find the one that’s best for you, and you might encounter some not-so-great ones in the process.
And you certainly don’t want to get one that’s a lot worse on the inside than it looked on the outside.
I fully understand that no one is perfect, and I don’t expect anyone to be. But I still have the childhood belief I always did that there are people who are perfect for each other. I look at my parents, who have been married for almost 45 years, and I know without a doubt in my heart that there’s no one else for either of them in the entire world. Spend about 12 minutes with them, and I’m pretty sure you’ll agree.
Sure, people may have to go through some imperfect matches to get to their lobsters (I’m sorry if you don’t get that Friends reference—it’s on Netflix, and there are reruns on TV all of the time), but I believe certain people are meant to be together.
And others simply aren’t.
I shared in the past that I tried a dating app for less than a day. Not a fan. But for some weird reason, not too long ago, I let a few of my friends convince me to give it another try—for a longer period of time.
I talked to some guys who seemed nice and others who turned out to be turds, but even the nice ones just didn’t seem right for me. I went out with one of those nice guys, but I felt zilch the entire time. Well, unless you count boredom, because I felt that (I know that sounds mean). So, once again, I deleted the app—this time forever.
I think one thing I really don’t like about the apps is that everything feels so forced. Do I want to meet my Jim Halpert? Sure. But I honestly don’t want to go searching for him. And I know many people have found their true loves on dating apps, and I’m very happy for them, but that doesn’t mean it’s right for everyone.
I do realize that I have somewhat high expectations, but I’m fine with that—and sometimes I wish my friends were, too. I understand their hearts are in the right places, but we’re all different and don’t all want the same things in life. I know what I want and what I don’t want, and I’m not looking to spend time and energy where I don’t want to. I’d rather be single forever than end up with someone for the sole purpose of ending up with someone.
My friend and I were out one night recently, and we met a couple of guys who seemed pretty decent. I realized very quickly that I wasn’t interested in either of them, but I was good with the wingman role for the evening. At one point, one of the guys asked me if I was single and told me I should go out with him. No, no. False. And then he asked me how I would know if I was meant to be with a person if I never actually spent time with him. I tried to answer as best as I could without being a complete jerk, but I had chatted just enough with him to know that we were definitely not meant to be and that I actually didn’t want to spend any time with him at all. Ever.
Truthfully, I don’t know if I’m the right person to answer his question. I know what I want to believe—I want to believe that when you know, you just know. But I’ve never been there before. Have I had hope for certain people? Of course. I think we know how that turned out, though.
But I do know something else: I know that, regardless of what your dating or marital status is, you’re capable of sharing love that’s big and authentic and pure and hopeful and genuine and bold and determined and true—and it doesn’t have to be reserved for just one person. It’s a love for all.
We don’t all have to agree on everything. We don’t all have to hold the same beliefs. We don’t all have to take the same paths to the same destinations. We don’t all have to fall in love or have people fall in love with us.
But I do think we should all know what love is and what love does—and it doesn’t take a perfect pair to do that.